i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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