Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
