the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
