We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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