dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
