i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
