I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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