I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm jealous of your bromance
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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