I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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