His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
