I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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