this boner is exhausting
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
