well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
