i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
