were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
