im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
