Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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