I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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