If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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