the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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