This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
