i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
