Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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