There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
