it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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