at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
