I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
