So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize