Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
