At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
