You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i now understand why vodka
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
