Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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