Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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