Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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