We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
