Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
