why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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