spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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