i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
