I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
