she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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