his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
