Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
