Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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