I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
