Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
