What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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