I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
