just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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