god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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