she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
