Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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