what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
