I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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