just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.