last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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