so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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