we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I want to have your abortion
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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