I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
