I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
