I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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