There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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