why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
