there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
