I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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