and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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