Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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