Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
