Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
