Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
