Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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