i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
