i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Houston, we have a blender
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
