3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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