the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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