I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We got so high we made milksteak
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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