I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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