Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Boobs speak an international language.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
