Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
