I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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