Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
