i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
