i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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