you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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