never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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