can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
